Cloverfield

Buy This Item Cloverfield by Paramount  Available from Amazon  $17.99  on 8-5-2008     My religion has taught me not to be afraid to call someone wrong when he does something, says something, stands for something, or engages in something that violates the values in which I believe. Here's the story: If we let J.J. Abrams sow the seeds of sensationalism we'll be reaping the crop for quite a long time. No matter how close he's come to making me hide in a closet, he won't be satisfied until he finds a way to paralyze any serious or firm decision and thereby become responsible for the weak and half-hearted execution of even the most necessary measures. He should pay for his mistakes. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. Viewed from all angles, J.J.'s gofers assert that "J.J. is a man of peace." First off, that's a lousy sentence. If they had written instead that the mistaken claim that J.J. holds a universal license that allows him to feature simplistic answers to complex problems is not only incorrect but is somewhat telling of his core sentiments then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, anyone -- you or I or a Martian just arrived in a flying saucer -- who wants to fight for what is right should realize that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by vicious scalawags, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. <br /> <br />I don't have time to go into this in as much detail as I should, but you should never forget the three most important facets of J.J.'s artifices, namely their unpatriotic origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. If I had my druthers, J.J. would never have had the opportunity to emphasize the negative in our lives instead of accentuating the positive. As it stands, J.J. has been deluding people into believing that we're supposed to shut up and smile when he says ghastly, passive-aggressive things. Don't let him delude you, too. He whines about voluble, snappish suborners of perjury, yet J.J. enthusiastically supports childish, immoral creeps. Reader Reviews First of all, this was a blatant rip off of the Blair Witch Project. Every second of this movie was a consistent irritation to my visual senses. It was excruciatingly painful to even try to watch this movie with the camera shaking and panning all over the place. America is so hooked on reality tv that this was just the next logical step that shouldn't have been taken. When the Blair Witch opened I ran to the theater with expectations of cinematic greatness. What resulted was a splitting headache and severe stomach cramps. There were actually a couple girls in the audience that puked right behind me and several people who walked out cursing like a sailor at a brothel. Fast forward to Cloverfield, this time we spend three quarters of the movie wondering what the hell was attacking New York City and the last quarter of the movie silently wishing to God I had spent my $8.50 on Alvin & The Chipmunks. Don't get me wrong, there were really cool parts to this movie, the creatures were pretty cool... whenever you see them, and the action was intense at times, but the camera! I would have had a great time if I had the ability to shake my head with enough velocity to match the jittering camera sequences as they were running through the streets dodging debris and other deadly obstacles, instead I had to look at the floor or close my eyes and listen to the dialogue because the filming techniques caused severe headache and stomach cramps. And the ending...OMG! The one cool thing about this movie was the way the director illustrated that the content of the movie was actually the recording from the video camera that one of the actors is carrying and using during the attacks by the mysterious super-monster. Apparently the camera is found after the attacks are over and viewed from a television in the war room of a military installation. At any rate I left the theater extremely pissed off at Hollywood and cursing the writer's strike and promising myself that I will never purchase the DVD unless an alternate "non-stomach churning/head-splitting version" of the movie is released. Enjoy.

Cloverfield Available from Amazon Price: $17.99 Updated on 8-5-2008.

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